Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
