Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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