opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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