I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
