My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
