I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
not ubering you a puppy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
