I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
