I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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