I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
