..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I died a long time ago.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
