did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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