oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
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Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
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you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize