Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
