My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
