Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Small penises have feelings too.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
