I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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