i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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