I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
