The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
