oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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