You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
