i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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