quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
