a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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