wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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