I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
