Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
