He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
