Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize