thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
