totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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