my being single is dangerous.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
