Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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