i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
