it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
