I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
