I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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