My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the day after is always just damage control
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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