ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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