So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
ok first of all what the fuck
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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