my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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