I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Randomize
