I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
