This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
