first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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