where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
