You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize