So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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