we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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