i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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