don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
