No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
