he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
