omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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