Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
