Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
