On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
