ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
