You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
