Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
