Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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