I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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