I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
