nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
