Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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