So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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