He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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