Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
