she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
