so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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