I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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