I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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