I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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