You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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