i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
