her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
