I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
