this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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