So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
