I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
