do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
