TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
