He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
