hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
