so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
