so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
