I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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