We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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